Your breath shortens for a second, pupils dilate, and blood rushes to your lips. “Awwwhhh…”. Time to clean up.
Congratulations, you’ve just finished masturbating.
It’s something we’ve been doing a lot more (or at least thinking about doing) since lockdowns and social distancing became an everyday thing. Hookup culture has taken a massive blow, but we all still need to get off, right? So we gather our pent up sexual energy and channel it through our hands and our dicks to orchestrate a symphony of pleasure. We masturbate. More time at home means more time with ourselves, and that means we’re all
re-acquainted with our favourite toy – our dicks.
It’s gonna be hard enough to pull ourselves away after a prolonged period of limited sexual contact, so here’s some advice to help you maximise the pleasure and process of masturbation.
Reach out, not around
Everyone’s coming out of the woodwork and it’s understandable – we still need sexual gratification somehow. Our seemingly endless supply of would-be Grindr and Scruff hookups have evaporated, so we slide into someone’s DMs instead. Just because we can’t meet up, it doesn’t mean we can’t have fun. Recently an old flame sent me a pic of him on all fours, followed by the words “I’ve been thinking about you filling me up since we first kissed.” Awwww, Adam! So we swapped some videos, and really connected.
Resorting to digital means for sexy-time might not be ideal, but we still had fun. Remember flirting? Remember phone-sex? Deleting all of your apps might seem like a good idea, but a stray compliment never hurt anyone! Get that dick, even if it’s a JPEG.
Gay porn offers us a utopia where male homosexual desire is given free rein. Over-consumption, however, creates a dependancy on pornography to sate our desires. We can become passive in our own sex life. Desires and kinks develop and grow over time, but watching too much pornography speeds up this process, until eventually your favourite scene looks like two (or four) people rubbing sticks together. This is called your ‘extinction point’. Forcing yourself to your extinction point too quickly, or too often, desensitises our mind and increases difficulty with arousal. But it doesn’t have to be like this!
Cutting back or going cold turkey for just a little while will put a fire under your loins and get them stirring again. We can still be active in our own sex life.
Use your imagination
We’ve all had one of those sexy dreams where we’ve woken up when we didn’t want to. By actively engaging with our own fantasies, we take control of how someone else gets us off. It’s more intimate than simply watching porn. We are responsible for our own personal fantasies, and can revisit them later.
“Masturbation channels sexual imagery into one’s body.”Magnus Ullén, 2009.
Think back to your earliest sexual fantasies. It’s probably a guy from high school. Maybe he bullied you a bit, but you still wanted him to rip your clothes off anyway. These fantasies, which may have been acted on eventually, were always so exciting. This habit of leading with your imagination and personal desires when masturbating is very beneficial. When you actually get to have sex, your mind and body are used to taking the lead, so you can focus on satisfying both you and your partner. With too much porn, our mind takes the backseat, and we have to work harder to be aroused.
No dice, huh?
Many of us might also be masturbating significantly less, or not at all. A diminished libido comes in waves. It correlates with stress, sleep, diet, and physical activity among other things. It’s OK to notice a dip in the desire to pleasure yourself, so we recommend all of the above to help this!
It’s in your hands
Waking up. Shower. Sitting at your desk. House to yourself. Regardless of when you indulge, it’s good to stop and really, really, think about masturbation habits. It’s hard, but physically and mentally beneficial. So have phone sex with Craig. Send a pic of you in a jockstrap to Tom. Reset your orgasm. You can still spice things up in the long run, even if it’s just for you (for now).
If you like our article on masturbation, then check out our other sex-positive articles back in the Locker Room. Have a look – you know you want to.
Carvalheira, Ana (2015). Masturbation and Pornography Use Among Coupled Heterosexual Men With Decreased Sexual Desire: How Many Roles of Masturbation?. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, Volume 41:6, p 626-635
Krondorfer, Bjorn, (1996). Men’s Bodies, Men’s Gods: Male Identities in a (Post) Christian Culture. p. 111-113
Ullén, Magnus, (2009). Pornography and its Critical Reception: Toward a Theory of Masturbation. 51, Spring 2009.